| I'm from Texas, what Country are you from?? |
[Jul. 12th, 2007|11:32 pm] |
Last week, I got sick with the cold that has been going around the staff of the Museum. Wed. night, I kept waking myself up coughing. Well typical me, I just figured I was inhaling mold spores b/c I haven’t changed my air filter in forever, so I just got up and shut my door. The next day at work, I would cough every now and again, but when I did, it hurt my chest. By the end of the day, I had started to feel not so great, and it was then I figured I had caught the cold that the hot supervisor Adam had and warned me that I was going to probably get it. So I asked the café supervisor if I could work if I was sick with something that could be spread...and she said “like hepatitis?”... and after pausing to actually comprehind, I said “huh?, no like the cold that the Gallery staff has spreading around.” So, she said no it was against the health code, so I told her I was scared that I was getting sick, but that I had a doctors appointment for when I got off work, and that if it was something like that, I could just let her know.(I was off the next day so I figured I could either get medicine to keep from getting worse/ be better before I had to work Saturday). Well, I got off, came home and slowly felt worse and typical me said fuck the doctor- and I think I may have called and rescheduled for the next day since I was off, I dunno, anyway, So by night time after I took a nap I just felt like shit, so I figured I’d just go get OTCmeds and just rest the next day; I was still fairly optimistic. So, I looked like death with a hangover and refused to go anywhere where I might possibly see anyone, staff or shopper, that I might have the possibility of running into again. So, I thought for a min. about where a place was that I knew about and that I don’t shop there and it hit me- WAL-MART. As much as I hate the walmart company, I figured now wasn’t the time to be political with my money, so I gassed up ($5) and drove what felt like forever to get to the nearest one- it’s proably like 10 mins away, but hell, if me or anyone has to drive more than 10-15 mins. It just feels like a road trip. Anywho, so I walk into walmart...oh yeah, I was high, I figured I’d try what I had, and it did make me feel better- only...high.... anyway, so I get to walmart, and walk in and felt like I was a buntch of idiots b/c everyone was just shopping away and it was obvious no one was thinking about the company they were supporting nor why the prices were cheap (Kim at the cash register’s kids probably don’t have any health insurance)... but I told myself to just stay focused, so I finally found my meds after wanting to tell everyone all about what all is involved with their purchases, but then I’d remember I was in the damn store looking for something, so I figured I didn’t have much room to talk in the situation. So, I’m excited b/c I’m at the cash register and I was almost clear of the hell-hole and so I get up there and the asian guy with a “IheartJESUS” key-thingy around his next says- “do you have your ID?” and I’m like “OH COME ON!!” like, ‘you can’t be serious’. And then I walked out after saying “THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT”, and once in the car, I swore I’d never shop at walmart again, but you know how that goes. So, I’m pissed, high, sick, and in a different area of Houston than I live. I knew there was a target somewhere around there that I went to when I lived here the first time, so I set off for that. Walking in to the store, Beth from Mississippi called and we talked and I bitched about walmart and how odd it was that they sell a bottle of 148 sleeping pills- Like “what the hell does someone need that many sleeping pills” and then I started thinking about how that’s why people who don’t believe in psychological issues are stupid, b/c if you needed that many, you probably have insomnia and need to go to the Dr. Then Beth reminded me that you can kill yourself, so I came back to the conversation. But, where was I, oh yeah, I’m at target and then go to the cash register and the bitch asked me the same thing (ID).. And I was like..??... and I told her to just put in my birthday and she said she couldn’t. Then I just thought I had gone crazy or something, so I went and got my ID and she couldn’t figure out how to do it, then her manager was like “what are you doing? You just have to punch-in his birthday” and then I exchanged a ‘we must have gotten her from walmart’ look to the manager, I left and came home, then I went over to Zach’s once he got off work which isn’t anything new.
So, somebody was over there but I forget who, but I ended up going home at 4am...no, I stayed...no!, I layed down at 5 and couldn’t sleep so I left and went home at 7am I remember b/c I was hoping there wouldn’t be a wreck and 10,000 cars backed up. So, I came home and went to sleep, and this is where the chaos begins.
So, I end up waking up at 6 the nest night and first realized a) I didn’t go to the Dr. (But I could careless about that), and b)that I didn’t call work and the fact that I slept so long was a sign I was sick. But, I figured I’d just call in the morning b/c it was raining hard that night through the next morning and zach wanted me to stay over so I could give him a ride in the morning so he wouldn’t have to wait for the bus in the rain. So, I get to Zacks at like 730pm and I had left my phone there and it was beeping low-battery I could hear from somewhere, then I found it, picked it up and opened it and it shut off...so I was like well, I need to charge it. So I put it in my car and zach and I went to did something random like we always do I’m sure, and so at 1am I went to get my phone to set it for 8am so I could wake up, call work, and go back to sleep. I didn’t know what time I worked b/c I left my schedule at my apartment and my walmart gas was low, so I just set it for 8am b/c I knew the earliest I would work would be 9. So...I’m going to my car to get my phone and I realized it didn’t charge, and I couldn’t get it to do anything but beep...so then I started to worry... so I set my alarm for 8 but didn’t get up until 11 b/c zach turned it off until he woke up for work. So, I just hoped I didn’t have to open the café. So, I took him to the Galleria and hauled ass to my neighborhood. Once I got there, I saw that my neighborhood had flooded on some streets...but that’s another topic. So I got to the museum, I looked like hell and I was still drunk from the night before, which zach thought was funny, but so there I am trying to explain, but i-myself didn’t even know what exactly was happening. So apparently, I didn’t have the day before off (which I’m always confused about when I work, but I’ve never missed a day), and I didn’t open that day, but I did the day before– and in all honesty, I just figured that out b/c I looked at my schedule just b/c I was curious as to when I was suppose to come in that day...hmmm... anyway, she said go to the doctor and come Monday and take to some lady and she can say if I can come back to work. So, Zach got off at 3 so I went to my apartment to shower and realized that my roommate was G.O.N.E, there was nothing but a table of mine left in his room, and I had planned on paying rent on Monday for some crazy reason- but you know me, I tend to always do things in some odd way or another. So, I couldn’t call him so I got high, showered, took the trash out, and went and bought some cloves then drove to the galleria. And sat in the mall for what felt like a year waiting on zach, but he said, and time agreeded, that I had been there for only 20mins. So, I called Carlos(my old roomate) and he said he didn’t want to live here anymore b/c he never felt like anything was his- which is true b/c since Jorja and I lived together, I tend to be very communal with my things so everything just mixes up instead of having all mine/your stuff in my/yours own room/shelf/place. So, I bitched him out b/c he just wanted to move out and be done, and not pay anything, which I think was the real reason he left- he didn’t want to pay and figured he could squeeze a free month out of me and someone else and have plenty of time to get money. BUT, I told him he needed to give me what he owed for the bills (which he tried to say I used more gas than him so he shouldn’t have to pay even though it’s on a fixed billing rate) GRRR... anyway, so he said he pay and then zach and I had a really fun weekend even without going out. We had people over at his house...well people he knew, and we go to sleep Saturday and woke up at like 4pm and drank wine then went and bought some really good pot, so we smoked that and went on adventures to the car where we some a joint, then walked around laughing. So, I went to sleep Sunday, and knew I wasn’t going to be able to get a DR. Appointment b/c my DR. Doesn’t work on weekends or mondays, so I woke up and just rested. I then went home and fell asleep and woke up around 4pm and drove to zacks to use the phone and called my Supervisor and told her that my DR. Appointment was the following day and that I’d get my excuse then. So, I woke up located my keys without waking zack and came home, showered (rents still unpaid keep in mind) and went to the DR. and waited 2 hours to see her and she gave me my excuse for the next day and blah blah, so I came back home and my apartment was a wreck but I just sat here, I had no desire to clean- or really be in the apartment. So instead of going to work like I should have done and talked to the lady then, I went over to Zacks and called my mangerand said I got my excuse and I can come back to work on the 12th (today) and said that I saw I was on the sched. For 9am and if I could come in, and she said yeah, I’d have to talk to Whoever the lady was- which I figured was more about me not calling than being sick- but so I said I would. So I took Zach to work at Armani and came home and drank a glass of wine and listened to music (still no clean). I then realized I had no alarm clock so I had to drive to buy one with the money I didn’t have and came home a fell asleep. I then open my eyes to see Carlos standing over my bed saying something and handing me 200 dollars. So, he then went into the kitchen and ate some frosted flakes, stood in his empty room, and came back, turned my light off and said “goodbye”. So I wake up and go to work and surprisingly didn’t get in too much trouble, but I did have a valid excuse that says I had a lung infestion probably caused by a cold (mixed with pot and cloves I’m sure)... so yeah, I came home from work and went and paid rent- I had to call my mom from a payphone and ask to borrow $200- I felt so ghetto. I then came home and cleaned my room and have just been looking at what classes I want to take next semester... and oh! Since I guess I was sick and they had already rescheduled people to cover me, the schedule didn’t have me on it until next Tuesday, so I’m once again off work. I still feel I little out of it- like my life is falling apart, but I’m surprising indifferent for some reason. I suppose it’s just the odd fact of having no phone, not working, no roomate, no money, and bills I’m not sure how I’m going to pay. In spite, I am pretty content, almost like I’ve come to expect shit to hit me and fall apart all at once, so when it does, I’m not bothered much. I think my serotonin levels may be higher then normal b/c it seems to be so easy to just be content just take what life throws at your way, and not take it too seriously. It may be from the pot I’ve been smoking, or something else, but I’ve been thinking about all the research that’s being done in texas (mainly Austin) where grad students have gained permission to study the mind-altering effects of drugs that haven’t been researched in over 30+ years. But they are not so much looking at LSD, peyote and all the psychedelics from the past. I find this intresting, and it’s on my mind, and this is my journal and shit, and I feel like talking/typing outloud, so I will.... Instead of the psychedelics of the post-war/cold war era, with LSD being the most popular thanks to Tim. Lerrie; They are instead looking at newer drugs that have turned out to be more intresting. The Two main ones are the psychedelic mushroom and ecstacy. The psychedelic mushroom b/c of the serotonin increase it causes and sorta maintains for a month or two after injestion. HOWEVER, they finally got the funding to begin to seriously study ecstacy as a once a year/month dose for depression and all kinds of disorders that respond to the serotonin increase in the brain. And one big mystery they want to understand is why it takes 30 mins for EX to affect the user, but takes a week or even two for antidepressants to affect the taker. I mean the program is getting pretty big and has spread to Rice in Houston. However, the Texas Government doe not want any thing about it talked about openly in the media b/c of fear that it could turn into a Lerrey/1965 ordeal where the benefits found had everyone, especially kids, taking a casual approach to LSD. However, LSD causes bad experiences/flashbacks/and hallucinations b/c it was truly a psychedelic and changed the way the brain visually viewed reality- as well as other ways. However, Ecstasy is not like that. The only real danger is dancing/moving too much and overheating. However, just like LSD, they are not suggesting people use it as a casual drug like pot, alcohol, or caffine, but that it should be used in a calm, therapeutic, enlightening fashion. But, if everyone misunderstands and thinks EX is not only good, but that if a little is good, a lot is better. And just like LSD, overuse causes brain damage as the brain rewires the way it thinks and the old connections die off.
ANYWAY! This is where it gets relevant. So, I’ve taken EX like maybe 4 times and it was always in Mississippi. EX comes into the country in one of mostly 3 ways... port of new york, port of houston, and port of sanfrancisco. However, The largest amounts and the purest forms come into the port of houston straight from the labs in holland and contain pure MDMA (the chemical) and then it is distributed from here into the south and midwest...Thus why Dallas had a pretty big surge of club kids in the 80's and 90's. Anyway, so I’m sure what I took made it’s way to MS from TX, and while cut, contained true MDMA. Ok, so some have heard this some haven’t, and the story is the same, but I think I’ve come to understand what happened more after reading about the research being done here...
So, I decided to try EX and so I invited Stuart to jackson and we hung out with beth and her b/f and we all rolled. Ok, well everyone was felling good, and I was feeling pretty good, but not like anything that was amazing. So everyone was like it just takes a while on you..but after 2 hours when everyone was all wide-eyed and exploring, I didn’t feel any better, so beth told me to take another one, so short story, ended up taking one more, then I split another one with Stuart. Well, by that time everyone was just high on life, and I felt sorta odd and out of it, but mostly I just wanted to just sit around and shine someone’s glowstick on the ceiling. So, the next day, I expressed my somewhat disappointment, but everyone found it to be really weird. So I ended up takeing it 2 separate times in the same month and nothing ever really happened to impress me. Then... BAM, I was all of a sudden so content with things, I would wake up and instead of going to school I would watch and listen to the trees blow in my backyard for what seemed like only a min. but I’m sure it was more like hours. So, I it was then that I decided that what I was doing in life is what I felt like I should be doing according to other people, not what I felt like i-myself should be doing- I was 16 and I was dieing to move to houston instead of going to highschool in MS again. So, I never went back to school, which to this day everyone asks me why I disappeared. I got my full time job and just worked b/c my mom wouldn’t let me sit around, and I frankly didn’t want to. So come spring, I take my first ever trip to Houston and felt like I was going to have to shrink my Ole Miss time from one year to a semester and transfer sooner... and then I just thought, I’d just rather move here, and that’s when life shocked me in the way everything worked out- I had money from working, my mom would pay my rent which was as much as a dorm, I was under 18 and my father rented an apartment there for a year so I got residency, and even my fathers area then was apart of the central campus district (which I think has since changed) and then everything sorta trickled away and I was back to my usual “figure this out/ philosophical/ analytical” self. And I never could figure out why I went through such an odd, content, slow part of my life, but I always sorta suspected it had something to do with the EX. So come to find out, EX causes to brain to produce serotonin and absorb it. However, after I got back from L.A. with my mom, I started taking a new antidepressant for my anxiety that had no effects except reduced anxiety. And like 3 months later is when I tried EX. OK, so my meds. (Lexapro) were a class called serotonin-uptake-inhibitor in which it moves the serotonin from the base of your neutrons (brain cells) to the area in which it can be spread to other areas and thus bring a chemical balance to the brain. HOWEVER, the odd thing that is still unknown it that if you take EX with that class of drug, it for some reason blocks the flood of serotonin ex produces and acts like a dame. Well as a result, the user doesn’t feel like their rolling. So, the other day I heard that they are now wanting to study the effects of that b/c it seems that some users claim that they are more compassionate and kind after doing that, and their friends claim the same thing. So, blah, blah, blah now your up to date on that, lol, maybe more updates as they happen, but I doubt it.
Anyway, that was...it was a very good exercise to get rid of my random thoughts and organize them out of my head. Other than that, I’m not sure what I’m going to do about a roommate yet, I suppose it’ll work out in the wash. since I’m broke as a joke, maybe I’ll go over to zachs later. But wait, it’s Thursday which means he may go to 1415 after work...yeah, I think he said theirs a red-party there tonight, but I think he’s also broke, so he wouldn’t go if he couldn’t drink. *shrug* Maybe I’ll just stay at home and find something to do here. I need to figure out my money situation..OH! My mom called zach yesterday looking for me, but I was not there so she talked to him, but apparently she signed a new contract and got me a new phone and it’ll be here next week—she’s the best. And she got 100 dollars from my dad which I don’t feel really any worry about not paying him back, so I only have to pay my mom back 100 and hopefully she’ll consider it a gift, but I’m still going to offer to. Since I don’t work until Tuesday I suppose I’ll just take care of life stuff like get my oil changed, clean the fridge, wash clothes, and what-not. But, I would love to actually get out of the city to tell you the truth- I’ve been here for *think* *gasp* 5 months. Before that I went to Austin. I might see if anyone from here that goes to school in Austin is going to hitch a ride, only problem is, I don’t really know anyone in austin that well, and I don’t want to hang out with some yuppie friend of a friend from houston. But, beggers can’t be choosers I suppose. I do need to get out of here for a day or two soon, it’s weird and slightly unhealthy I think to completely have your life, thoughts, and adventures in an area of 15 square miles and everything outside that area is practically unknown to you and filled with COMPLETELY different people than you are used to. But the sad thing is, I can’t even tell you what there is to do, or what I did outside the city- that’s the real scary thing. I mean in Mississippi you have to drive in between the little islands of cities around jackson, so I mean I used to cover some ground living there...going to Brandon, Jackson, Madison, Pearl, Clinton...and all the other ones. But here, I don’t even leave the 610 loop, never mind the city of houston. Hell, it takes 3 hours to drive out side of the houston/metro development and I couldn’t even tell you what was out there. Texas is weird b/c 3 out of 4 people live in a major metro area and so everyone just zips in-between Austin, Dallas, san an., and Houston which might be b/c of the lifestyle of people inbetween,haha, but still, I would like to go on the rivers/lakes/beaches in Austin.
I love how Austin is set up with the alive and hip central development and a 15 min drive takes you to beautiful clean hillsides. I Just don’t like people in Austin. They are all too proud to be from Austin for my taste. I mean Austin is cool as fuck, but it became so cool b/c of the laid-back intelligent people that moved there once the other western cities had become too cooperate and started to restrict the freedom of people. But, maybe that’s just the people I’ve seen. But, if my city were the place to be, I definatly wouldn’t tell anyone... I mean a lot of people here, myself included, like how Houston is really awesome, but not many people know it. I like how all the art scenes and music scenes carry a very “brainstorm” mentality where everyone encourages someone to do something that’s different and as a result, a more central idea of what we all want will emerge. Austin, it seems, is grounded on the fact that it’s weird and unique and the bumper sticks on everyone of their cars “keep Austin Weird” is just proof that Austin has made being different and weird the Norm. BLAH, fucking idiots. Anyway, coffee has wore off, and so I will attempt to read this over, but if I fail, please just try and figure out what the hell I’m talking about, haha.
P.S. Does anyone even do anything on this site anymore?? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2007|07:17 pm] |
Why is the world so fucked up? I mean is it just human nature to feel that things could be better or can they actually be? If you look throughout history we have everything our ancesters thought that if they had they'd be content... but i mean with a FAR more than average life span and a large amount of disposable time/income, can you honestly say you could just take a seat and cry b/c "war is over"... that everything is perfect? no, b/c in order to achieve that we've had to create a world full of synthetic shit (aka chemicals), so we die of cancer and we have to watch as people in post-war areas die of all the chemicals that were pumped into their countries.. hell, not post war, present-day... gulf war syndrome is due to the fact that some fucking "genius" figured out a way to use our nuclear waste to produce weapons that could destroy bunkers, only he didn't realize that once the weapons made hard b/c of spent plutonian hit the target, they vaporize and send radioactive material into the air that is not onlt breathed by the "enemy" but by out troops and innocent people as well. I was watching a documentry on elephants the other day and thought "if they are so smart, why don't they focus on knocking down trees and planting the seeds of plants that they eat and thus having the food they need... or at least eating a buntch of seeds from the plants that they eat and then moving to the clear areas and shitting so that they'd grow. A while later with this on my mind, i realized... DUH! b/c that would only benifit THEM and not the other animals. A lot of other animals/ plants depend on them carrying out the way of life that they have and if they took the selfish path that homo sapiens have taken, yes, they benifit themselves, but they harm other things in the process... so maybe they have tried the path that we are currently on, and realized this. Humans like to think we are the "most intelligent" beings on earth. HA! I think the other, truly intelligent beings (eg elephants, dophins, whales) look at us as the selfish children. I hope some day my species comes to realize our natural place in the order of things, but unfortantly i fear it wont happen until something happens that forces us to aquire this wisdom. Bring on the BOOM...... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|05:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
In the past weeks i have found myself completely unmotivated. I still go to school and i go to work, but i dread both. I believe that one reason i've lost myself is because i have lacked any alone time for a while now. Back in Mississippi, i had a lot of alone time to sit and ponder and little responsibility. Now, i hardly even get alone time and i have to worry about the realities of maintaining a lifestyle. As for now, i'm taking it one day at a time- if i'm lucky. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|08:52 pm] |
|
his brother is here from scotland and he's going to korea on the 27th- he says we'll talk after new years. Jorja met some guy that is paying her to ride around with him every afternoon. he owns a club or something and rides around and promotes it i guess. I'm trying not to get lost in the city-shit just to take my mind off of the pain. Friday, saturday, and sunday, i woke up with a different guy in my bed... i didn't do anything with them, i just wanted someone here. I did meet this really groovy guy from alabama at a gay coffee shop- i'm not attracted at all but i think he reminds me of people back home or something. anyway, i have finals this week and then maybe i'll go to austin or something, i need a change of scenery or something and my friend invited me there. who knows, i'll probably just end up laying in bed for a week. |
|
|
| FYI |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|02:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Just thought i would remind everyone- who ever you may be:: EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OK. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|02:57 pm] |
|
So I am sitting at the library and thought i'd quickly run through the Highlights of the past month (and it is almost impossible for me to comprehind that i've only been here a month- it seems like 10 times as long- and it's not just me, it's jorja too, so i'm not crazy [at least not in that respect])... So we've pretty much settled in and we haven't found jobs yet, but then again, we didn't really start looking until our money ran out- but i've applied at the childern's mueseum down the street, and jorja's still thinking about a job, heh. A week or two ago (who knows) I went to a rally for peace and ended up talking to a group of 50-something's about what all is going on with the war... and so apparently i had no idea the extent to which i was misinformed - or rather lied to- about what all is going on with the war... but anyway, we talked about where to get information about the war that is honest and reliable. Then they all talked about Cyntha sp* and how she had bought land next to the bush ranch. So apparently she- and people from the group i met- and others- bought this bus and are just going around and asking why everyone is lieing.. and to also inform others of what's going on... they were all thrilled that jorja and i were intrested in the cause (probably less so than they thought us to, but..), So who knows, if things turn sour here, maybe i'll ride from Crawford to Washington on the peace bus for a while... But i don't see me leaving houston anytime soon--- i'll do what i can from here, lol, get the updates as the folks pass through and stop off here... anyway, other than that, i've pretty much been getting back to where i left off a year ago... well that and meeting some people more crazy than its worth mentioning... anyway, i'm going to regester to vote now. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|05:52 pm] |
| Your Penis Name Is... | 
Prince Charming |
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|10:51 pm] |
|
I really hate the moving process- i totally wish i was the type of person that could just up-and-leave, but i wonder if those people have a choice... Anyway- i have to get up early in the morning and drive to Ruston and get my desk and shit then ii'm heading to Houston. I'll be glad to finally be there and i'm excited about being back in the city and seeing my friends. I'm a little concerned about money- not that i care about not having any (i'm used to that)- just more not haveing ENOUGH- but i think thats something most people think about, and i wonder if i'm more worried about money or that fact that i'm NOT worried about money... Well i should get to sleep- i have to get up at 5:30 and finish packing. You know me- always last min. |
|
|
| SUN, SUN, SON, here WE come! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|09:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
Jorja and I got back from Houston today. We found a quaint little place downtown in the museum district, about 6 or 7 blocks from Hermann Park and about 5 or 6 blocks from the school. The apartment is in an old house with hardwood floors. There are 4 apartments upstairs and the lower level is a little printing shop. 1 guy that rents one of the other apartments goes to University of Houston, another goes to Houston Community College, and the other goes to Texas Southern University. Houston seems to be a different experience than the one I had before, which I believe is due to the fact that I am a different person than I was (hopefully better/ wiser). I see that Jorja is seeking a place where she can settle down and find a place she can love and make her own. That known, I hope I can learn from Jorja and become more grounded in my own life. While I have enjoyed and do enjoy every minute of being the “free-spirited youth that’s always on the go,” I now want to help Jorja to fulfill her dream and find what she is looking for, and in the process, I hope to find something for myself that has a bit more substance than “drifter youth playing student to life.” While I by no means feel that I feel unfulfilled with my current role, but it is my new-found-belief that one should use their found wisdom and knowledge to teach others while allowing others to teach what they have found… Only in this way can we learn what it is we seek to find and how our own goals compare to that of others. Working together with this sense of unity can allow people to fulfill their dreams more than any one person can imagine possible. It is also my belief that the past 100-50+ years has been filled with people seeking, observing, failing, asking questions, finding answers, and DREAMING of a world that is both fulfilling and giving at the same time. HOWEVER, I believe that we are beginning to shift into a time that is ready for everyone to “come back to the table” and share what we have learned. I have felt that the beatles song “here comes the sun” will represent this next stage in my life in Houston, and this morning I was sitting watching tv and a segment came on talking about Willie Nelson’s work to save the farming culture and lifestyles in texas and how that has expanded to helping people elsewhere in the world… the background music: The entire song of “here comes the sun” that played the entire time. I pleasantly shocked to find signs that logically reinforce my intuition and feelings. As I said at 2am Christmas night… “I feel that 2006 is going to be a good year” |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2006|01:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
In one week I am going to Houston to find a place to live. And as the time to move approaches, I am trying more and more to figure out how I feel about it. I mostly just feel indifferent, which confuses me. When I was there last (like 2 months ago), it was almost as if I had never left... like I went on vacation and it 'back to business'. I wonder if I will just pick up where I left off, or have to adjust to the city life again. I am really excited to get back into the movement and the action of things. My friend told me that the USOC (united states olympic committee) asked Houston to present a bid for 2016, the professors at Rice have started bitching about pollution (and believe me, i am about to join them), and Chicago and Houston are now head and head for the number 3 spot... When i was living in ruston, i said that moving back would be harder then leaving b/c this time, i know that i'm leaving innocence behind (childhood)... But it's been a fun LAST-BLAST, let me say. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|04:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence | ] |
I've been spending my time in jackson focused on doing some introspective observations... there's something about this place- maybe its the boredom- but it seems to be a great place to find myself. There are certain things i am looking forward to about moveing back to the city, but there are also things i want to avoid falling back into (getting high on life and staying up for days on end trying to live both the day and night scenes... surviveing on coffee and nicotine...ect.) i'm gonna go down there one day soon and look for places to live. I also want to go talk to a buddhist lama while i'm there and try to find some guideance before i make the leap. I still haven't checked my grades from last quarter, haha, but i know they aren't below a B so i guess i really don't care. i've really been asking myself the question- What is Most Essential To Living A Happy Meaningful Life? i feel not enough people ask themselves this, and muchless, follow it. I noticed that i had become a stranger during my last stay in Houston, and i am determined to avoid that happening again, for i have found that you cannot give someone what you do not have yourself. As for this moment, i am focused on re-becoming mindful of the intense beauty of each individual moment. I had began to live as though i had an endless amount to experience, and thus took them for granted. I am. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2006|08:55 am] |
I went to Austin for one day- went to a nude beach, camped out, then i decided to go to Houston. Once there, i decided Austin was out, and that i will be returning home in the fall (Houston). I am most definatly drawn to Houston, this i know, but what i can not understand is the exact nature of this force pulling me there. Rather it is good or evil, i cannot say, however i will devot some time in the city to understanding this strange, powerful force that is upon me. No matter what i conclude, i will emerge a slight bit wiser. I've been spending a good bit of time meditating on my own personal life; my role within the universe. In Ruston, i have come to see the beauty in the dark things, although i am still weary. I use to be a "warrior" against anything evil- destroying it with either beauty of my own dose of evil (fire with fire). However, i have come to see the role of the dark forces; and as a result have found that within each, there exist an equal amount of beauty and light struggling to break through. I think this is where true compassion could begin. anyway, i'm off to drive to jackson... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2006|07:53 pm] |
Today I woke up at 7:30 and at 9:30 or so, i went to get my university ID so i could check out books. Afterwards, i sat on a bench by the fountains on campus
and i had a very blissful moment. It was one of those moments where i felt as if i was blissfully aware of my role in nature. So i check out books and sat acroos the street
from my house on campus under some trees. i've had "bubbles" of the same moments, but to my surprise, it didn't fade. So, all day i've been loungeing outside just being one
with nature. Every flower had its own beauty that was almost overwhelming, every blade of grass had its purpose, every creature- its place. I had not experienced that as deep
since i lived back in mississippi. I am going to have to find some sort of nature retreat when i move to Austin rather it be a park, or camp site. Anyway- i should maybe read
the books i checked out. |
|
|
| Packing my Shit. |
[Apr. 5th, 2006|03:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bob Dylan- Tangled Up In Blue | ] |
So here i go again. I've realized that it's time to pack my stuff and continue along my way, i knew the day would come, i just didn't think it'd happen so soon. So i plan on finishing up my classes here and start working towards moving back to texas by the fall. This time, however, i'm moving to Austin. I'm thinking about moving back to Jackson for the summer to live rent free for a little bit and save some money up. I'm gonna miss this little town, and i've met some really groovy people here, but i'm sure i'll always come back to visit and they have to come to Austin often and hang out. I have someone in mind to move to austin with, and i feel that she feels as though it too is her intuitive call. So, i'm going to attempt to reclaim my residency and enroll in school and work part time in order to pay my rent, i'll still be poor but i'll be where i'm suppose to be and for that i will be happy. I had a very intense experience a weeks ago that really caused me to listen to my intuition more, and last week, i meditated a bit and came to the conclusion that it was time to go back to texas.... so i first thought i'd head back to houston, but it wasn't long before i realized that austin was where i needed to be next. So, to make a long story short, i sought the path that would take me there and i soon realized the kindred spirit that was meant to journey with me. I feel as though she feels the same way and it feels nice to finally come to an answer. I hope Allison will join us, although she may be later coming. that is all |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|03:27 am] |
so, i'm getting used to the small town thing....haha NOT! i walk around wondering where the hell every thing is. I walk to the coffee shop at 330 in the morning and am shocked to find it closed. Now this is ok until the 5th fucking time i do it man.
Schools good, i'm an english major now and i never thought that would happen. I hang out with all the 20-something professors and one said "there needs to be more kids like you here..."....wtf? you mean kids with IDEAS??? haha imagine that fucking shit man.
so....i'm bored, i miss houston, i miss the city, i miss my apartment, i miss going to the coffee shop at 330 am and having to wait in line, i miss laying in the park at 4 am and watch clouds, i miss everything. I walked out the door the other day and saw people
walking to class talking about fucking shopping man and i wondered outloud..."where the fuck am i and how did i get here"...i feel like i'm in a time warp, the same thing happens day after day after day after day...i mean come the fuck on man, im 18 i want to DO SOMETHING!
where are the idea, the excitment, the thrills, the highs, the lows...the new fucking generation? SO, i go home to visit...same god damn thing! everyone is doing the exact same thing they were doing when i left. It feels i sat in the same spot i sat in a year ago and realized i was
a complete differnt person...but why is everyone else still the same? man fuck this shit. I'm gonna drive to houston to listen to some bands...who knows if i'll come back. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|03:31 pm] |
So as of last sunday, i am no longer a Houstoian....i feel good...all is well here...i realized that i am a "romantic" in my art and philosophy...new era. Chapter 18: "
 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|12:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | THE BEATLES- "LOVE YOU TO" | ] |
I have like some major packing to do before the weekend. I started to pack, but i just ended up throwing some books in a box and doing something else (other than packing). I went and checked out some painting by picasso and andy worthol with a lady i met from Santa Monica. She was on a road trip to Maine and she inheirted a bed and breakfast there and she told me that i should come stay up there sometime, and i might do that this summer. As of now...i haven't slept in over 36 hours, and it's not from lack of trying. The Houston Auto Show is this weekend, so i might go check out the concept cars, i don't know when i'll have the chance to do something like that again, haha. Houston bought a Soccor team...THE 1836s.... They started work on the theater district this week....and they are building a new park downtown (they had an anouncement in Herman park today.. i made an appearence. I tell you man, this place is gonna move on without me i suppose... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|12:17 am] |
One loses hope,
all is lost
I have lost hope,
I am lost |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|07:05 am] |
You Are the Investigator |
5
You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.
You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.
Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.
You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.
|
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ya_fletcher's journal
good